starting over with self forgiveness

i have an idea about self forgiveness, that it should feel a certain way, and do something to me - change me - as i participate with this idea i create stress and judgment towards my self-forgiveness statements - by doing so i have created a resistance towards applying self forgiveness and i haven't been pushing myself through this resistance - so, in the past 2 years i have been walking with desteni but not "getting into" self forgiveness - giving myself excuses from "i can change without it", "what's the point?", to "it's not working for me", "i don't know how to do it", "I'm not doing it right"... and so on... bottom line i have never allowed myself to actually take self responsibility within the statements of forgiveness that I've made, I've never allowed myself to stop the expectation that it will DO something to me - so i never really gave self forgiveness a chance - i never really gave myself a chance to actually support myself through giving myself the gift of forgiveness.

so, here's for starting over - clearing up the idea i have created about self forgiveness and about myself in regards to self forgiveness.
i am here to support myself and to free myself from the boundaries and limitations that i have allowed myself to exist as - as the mind.
so here goes...

i forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe an idea about self forgiveness instead of applying it and actually experiencing it for myself

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to live as an idea in my mind instead of being here as breath

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the idea about self forgiveness instead of directing myself as self support

i forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe the idea that self forgiveness is useless without really giving it a real chance, within that i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blindly believe the idea that self forgiveness is useless without giving myself a real chance.

i forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself from the perspective of not allowing myself to direct myself but to allow myself to be directed by thoughts and ideas that are not self supporting

i forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to give more value to thoughts and ideas of limitation than thoughts and ideas of self support, within that i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to accumulate myself as limitation instead of accumulating myself as practical self support

i forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe self forgiveness will do something to me, not realizing the separation within such belief

i forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to separate myself form self forgiveness instead of realizing it to be a tool of self support done and directed by self

i forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to want self forgiveness to be a magic trick so i wouldn't have to change/push myself through the patterns i have created myself as

i forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe any excuse i give myself to not push/support myself, within this i forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to exist as self sabotage not realizing that by allowing myself to participate within the principle of self sabotage i allow self sabotage to exist anywhere and everywhere

i forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe/expect self forgiveness will change me and within that not taking self responsibility for myself, within that i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the principle of abdicating self responsibility through the belief that something else will fix it for me - not realizing that by doing so i am allowing this principle to exist

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as the principle of wanting something else to fix/do it for me, instead of realizing that by not correcting myself in alignment with the principle of self responsibility i am allowing this world to continue as it is with the abuse/blame/sabotage that exist within it through abdication of responsibility and expectation that others will change but not me.

i forgive myself that I've accepted ad allowed myself to believe i am not able to change because i am too weak/not good enough... i forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to believe these ideas about myself , not realizing that they are mind manipulated excuses to keep me from standing and changing myself

i forgive myself for accepted and allowing myself to believe myself to be special from the point of not being able to do it - i forgive myself that i've accepted and allowed myself to desire being special and unique to the point that i would rather believe i have it hardest than giving up the idea of specialness and within that the belief that i am incapable.

i forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the feeling of being special through existing as self victimization, i forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to exist as self limitation to hold onto the feeling of specialness that i have created with it

i forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to self victimize myself in order to get the energetic rush that i have connected to it, i forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that i am accumulating as myself victimizing and limitation and actually abusing myself as i do so

i forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to dismiss myself as life by allowing myself to abuse myself as limitation and victimization